Things I Can Do....

The following are things that I have learned that I can do one handed--aka I have an 11 lb. 2 month old attached to me:

1. Go to the bathroom and wipe, then wash said hand.
2. Open a sippy cup, fill it with milk and then put the lid back on. Typically, this takes place with a two year old stuck to one leg too. So technically, this is one handed and one legged.
3. Snap together my bra.
4. Pick up, dial, answer and/or end phone calls.
5. Change over laundry.
6. Type emails.
7. Cook dinner. Including but not limited to slicing bread, setting the table, getting Samuel into his high chair, and eating.
8. Fold laundry and then watch as Sam destroys my perfect little piles.
9. Make beds.
10. Brush my teeth, which sometimes can be tricky with all the foam and spitting.

Things I can do while nursing--aka I have an 11 lb 2 month old ATTACHED to me and by attached I truly mean attached:

1. Type emails--personal and cupcake envy.
2. Update blog--SLOWLY.
3. Channel surf.
4. Sleep.
5. Read People Magazine.
6. Watch Cars for the 20,000th time (See next section).
7. Scan and fill out documents.

Things I cannot do while nursing--aka I have an 11 lb 2 month old attached to me:

1. Get up.
2. Reach for remotes (to accomplish #3 of previous section and/or to stop #6 of previous section).
3. Grab Samuel as he flies off the bed b/c he is practicing his Cirque du Soleil moves.
4. Cook dinner--somehow I just feel that this is unsanitary.
5. Grocery shop.
6. Clean bathrooms--again somehow I just feel like the fumes would be a bad thing and all the hard scrubbing and shaking would be VERY uncomfortable.
7. Drive--well I could but I would probably be arrested.

Things I can do on VERY little sleep:

1. Drive.
2. Shower.
3. Drink massive amounts of coffee.
4. Cry.
5. Push play on the dvd player (see #6 in section titled things I can do while nursing) and/or press the number 74 on our remote--Thank God for Noggin.
6. Pretend to function like a normal person.

Things I cannot do on VERY little sleep:

1. Deal with stupid people.
2. Deal with slow people.
3. Explain myself very well.
4. Speak--I lose words all the time--I think it is still pregnancy brain, I haven't lost it yet.
5. Stay awake.
6. Feel pretty or make an effort to actually look that way.

AHHH--the life of a mom!